Ramblings of a Teenage Boy

Burning Questions - Chapter One

2011-09-25T00:56:00.001-07:00

----The final bell rang at Jefferson high school and everybody was in hot pursuit of the door. Sometimes I like to take a step back and wonder why everyone runs away so quickly; as if someone was going to take their car before they got there. As a senior at Jefferson I've become very used to the end-of-the-day rush. Scared little freshmen running everywhere like little roaches in a dark cage that suddenly became illuminated.
----One freshman accidentally runs into me in his mad rush toward the locker bay and causes his books and papers to fly everywhere. I quickly turned around to see a little shrimp of a boy, about five foot four and as thin as a paper clip, scrambling around on the hallway floor attempting to pick up his calculus, anatomy, and other upper level class papers off of the floor whilst other student accidentally shove and kick him on their way out of class. I see that he is obviously struggling so I take a knee and begin to help I'm with his things. We work together for a few seconds picking up his papers. I handed him a stack of neatly organized notes full of crazy equations and symbols I have never seen before and put on my best smile. "Here you go," I politely say.
He looks up from his things and stammers around a thank you, "th-th-thank-you."
The poor freshman looks straight back to the ground and restarts his trek down the hall. That's one thing that I will never get used to... Being a senior. I must've scared the poor boy into peeing himself!
----I remember those days... I would walk down the hall and try not to look an upperclassmen in the eye. They intimidated me... They were all so...so... Big. They were all so much further along into puberty than the underclassmen. The guys' muscles had developed along with their facial hair and the girls'o all had much larger breasts than the ones in my class... The only guy in my class who had facial hair as a freshman was Tommy. But Tommy had failed seventh grade and then failed eighth grade and refused to come to summer school so he's way older than us anyway. When we were sophomores, he was the one buying all of us cigarettes. He dropped out after sophomore year. I heard that his parents died in some sort of accident (we didn't get any deals other than it being an accident) and he decided not to finish high school. I don't blame him. None of us have seen him in years. I guess this is where all of those stories about people from small towns get abducted by aliens or something. Like, nobody has even heard of somebody maybe seeing him or hearing about him. It's almost creepy. Too bad nobody cares enough to think much of it.
----I placed my books in my locker and headed out towards my car in the student parking lot. My parents bought my 2010 Ford Focus for me for my 17th birthday last year. It's red with black racing stripes down the middle. Kind of a girl car but my parents bought it for me and didn't expect anything in return other than undying love and affection, so I'm happy with it. I live 10 minutes from the school. Past an old military missile base and the one lone restaurant in our small town, Golden Crust Pizzarria. We eat there at least 3 times a week because we have nothing better to do. In a town of this size, everybody knows everybody. And everybody knows what everybody is doing. Sometimes that can be a bad thing.
----I drive passed the old abandoned missile base and finally pulled into my driveway. We live in the richer part of town unlike a most of my friends. I always had birthday parties and stuff out of town and a away from the house. I didn't want my friends thinking that I was some spoiled brat or something. Most of the kids who live in my part of town go to an assortment of private schools located in towns surrounding ours. Our little town of Jefferson, Kansas is surrounded by some of the largest, well known cities in Kansas. Therefore, many a private school is available for those who wish to make their kids go to school in a uniform everyday. Who decided that it was a good idea to make all of the students look the same anyway? I need to have a talk with them...
----Anyway, I live in a two-story home that sits on two good-sized lots. It has a three-car garage and a rugged, yet sophisticated, stone façade. My mother will not stop talking about how much it cost to add that to the house when we moved in. It's almost like she regrets it, but the way she looks at it says otherwise. My parents are both doctors in the military. They never tell me anything about their jobs or examples of things that they do. All I know is that when they leave for a few months, when they get back, I'm getting something new. In short, they get paid pretty well. I don't ask questions. Because of their military occupations, our house can never be anything short of spotless, or anything n the house for that matter. They insist on me having clean skin and a sharp and short hairdo. Same goes for the dog, too. It gets on my nerves. But because of it, I have many females at school swooning over me like I'm the single penguin with the colorful pebble. I'm really just not interested in girls right now. I'm trying to get college plans lined up and make sure my grades stay up so I can play football and hopefully get a scholarship. Who knows, I may be the next household name!

Part One... Again. Haha

2010-12-09T06:45:00.000-08:00

I wrote a little more to my previous post. The plot must thicken! - (The writers stage commandment) It's not much but it's enough. Haha.

Maria Salva waited alone in her dark office for word from her pawn on the progress of his mission. Sitting at her desk, she tapped her fingers in impatience. She jumped when the phone rang loudly beside her. Slava stopped her rhythmic fingers and picked up the phone. “Yes?” She asked in a hushed tone
“I have the specimens.”
“How many?”
“Three. Alive and kicking.” The voice answered, “But, not at the moment.”
Maria was pleased. “Good. Bring them to me. You do remember where my building is, correct?”
“Yes, I have the address written down ri--”
“I told you not to do that!” She interrupted, “Burn that paper! Memorize it and burn that paper!” There was no reply. “When will you be arriving?” She asked.
“Half an hour.”
“Good.”

The line went dead and Nathanial was left alone in darkness. The only audible sound was that of the soft slur of the tires on the pavement below. Holloman recalled the night’s events and mentally gave himself a congratulatory handshake for a job well done.

Follow Me. Chapter One - A Dim Beginning

2010-12-08T12:59:00.000-08:00

One – A dim beginning

“Nathanial Holloman, and ex medical practitioner in Cincinnati, Ohio, has escaped from the New York State Sanitarium and is considered to be highly dangerous. Anyone who may know anything about his whereabouts, please call the number below. A reward IS being offered.”
Lucian and Dominique Carsen paid no attention to the mediocre news cast that had interrupted their favorite television show, Say Yes to the Dress. The Carsen family lives alone on a million dollar estate in a large manor they call home. For Lucien, Dominique, and their daughter Adrianna, what started out as an inconspicuous, quiet night, will turn their lives upside down.
On his way out of the moonlit town of Cincinnati, doctor Nathanial Holloman‘s foot is to the floor of the black SUV he commandeered at his favorite gas station that he used to frequent when he was free. But today, he WAS free. Free to carry on his experiments. He remembered a family… A family he heard of on the news… Some big scandal it their home… The… Carsens… Yes…He was trying to remember where they lived.
The Carsens were very wealthy, and were great philanthropists who donated large sums of money to nearly every charity imaginable. The odd thing was nobody knew where they stored all of their money… No bank is written in their name, and no safe had ever been found in their house. If everything goes according to plan, Holloman will be the sole bearer of this knowledge. Holloman check his rearview mirror to see if he was being followed but not thing was behind him except for a stunning view of the city shining like the light at the end of the tunnel. But Nathanial was not going towards the light; he was going in the opposite direction towards the dark, moonlit, night, and to incredible riches.
Meanwhile, Lucian Carsen was sitting on his lounge sofa with his wife watching the television at home. His wife, Dominique, had long fallen asleep after she had sent their daughter off to bed, and he was just enjoying spending time with his friend. Suddenly, Both were awoken by a loud noise coming from down the hall behind them and to their left. Mrs. Carsen turned her head and hollered down the hall, “Addie, is that you?” There was no answer. The noise sounded like a door being shut with force…not slammed, but not shut gently either. They both turned their attention back to the television.
“You would think a wealthy family like yourselves would install a better alarm system.” A voice from directly behind them startled them from their seats and brought them standing up looking back toward the wall of the dark room. They saw a figure walk out of the shadows holding a black wire in his hand.
“Who are you?!” Lucien interrogated,
“That is none of your concern, what you should be worried about is your girl.”
“Where is she?” Dominique shrieked, “What have you done with her!?”
“Nothing… yet,” the stranger pulled a gun from behind his back in the other hand, “and if you come with me nothing WILL happen.” The stranger proposed. The couple now noticed the leather strap over the man’s shoulder. It was full of loops, and the loops were full of small syringes. There was no escaping this man. Either they tried to flee and he tranquilized them, or they go with him and avoid the drama and save their little girl.
Lucian spoke up, “Where are you taking us?”
“That also is none of your concern.” The man answered, “Turn around and face the television.”
Lucian and Dominique both gave each other a worried glance and did as the man told.
Lucien was breathing heavily and trying to focus on a way to get away from this madman when he heard an odd noise – it sounded like a click – then a sharp pain in his spine. His world went dark and he didn’t even know he hit the floor.

Where Two Rivers Meet

2010-09-23T09:31:00.000-07:00

The sound of gurgling water surrounded me. The constant comforting noise seemed to hug me and relax all of my muscles at once. The reverberating waves of calmness and serenity covered me with a cool, collective mist of fresh water. The deep, crystal pool swirled from the opposing forces at its sides. An underground irrigation system dispersed the flowing water from to pool into the surrounding farmland.

It is now fall so the leaves are changing and falling down with every slight breeze that passes through the little valley. The small collection of bright red and yellow leaves in the pool swirled spun and gathered together in the center of the pond.

This beautiful spot is hidden in the valley by tall majestic redwoods, wide, strong spruces and a large expanse of blue, purple, and pink wildflowers. Two great waterfalls on each side of paradise supply living water to the clear pool, and a glorious sound of rushing water fills the air with an unmatchable energy.

I remember hearing the news of my childhood home. How there was a great fire that took half the town and most of the neighboring crops. The trees, flowers, tall grass – everything was destroyed. Like an infant still growing and developing totally obliterated in one foul accident.

This summer I traveled back to my old sanctuary to inspect the damage. The flowers were gone, and I could no longer smell the sweet scent of cherry blossoms in the air. At my place of safety and rest, I could only feel pain and sadness. The place where I once went to escape the world around me was no more. The rivers no longer flow into a reflecting pool of sheer beauty. Dead trees and ash had fallen into the streams damming them up and creating new streams that went though the crop fields. Everything around me was black and charred. Everything was dead.

Where the rivers met, there was but a puncture in the ground full of caked mud and cracked dirt. The wonders of the falls that seemed to flow from heaven itself were no more – along with the tranquility that came with it. Mere steep walls of rock and dust were left behind. Without this living water here, I truly felt spiritless.

Forever and always I will remember it as it was. Not as it is. I grew as it grew. My life-long friend and advocate: murdered by human intervention.

2 + 2 = 5

2009-09-29T11:42:00.000-07:00

Some people are afraid to help; afraid to give, and volunteer. They are afraid for one simple reason: They think that they will get nothing in return for their hard work. They theorize that their hard work would go without reward, but the blemish in their theory is that they are incorrect. Applying selflessness in your life sets the bar high for your friends, peers, and observers for them to strive to attain. This will turn you into a person that people will admire and respect for generations.

Born in 1839, and chairman of Standard Oil Company, John D. Rockefeller, gave a large amount of his money to charity. Since his first paycheck, he tithed to his church, and with his approx. net worth being $318.3 billion he demonstrated his great heart for giving. After 1911, Standard Oil Company was no more. Instead of running his monopoly, he retired and devoted to his life earnings to philanthropy. His contributions impacted the medicinal, educational, and scientific worlds.

Rockefeller is not the only person who can fit into this category. Others gave more than just their money. Martin Luther King, Jr. will not only get respect from the people of his color, but also from those who wish that they had the courage and the selflessness to do what he achieved. He is most know for fighting for Civil Rights. He, in the end, gave his life for the cause when he was assassinated by James Earl Ray in April, 1968, while King was staying at his favorite hotel. Ray confessed in March of 1969, and was convicted to 99 years in prison for the assassination of a public figure especially one so very close to American hearts. King gave his life to preserve equal rights for all men. He gave his all for the better of all Americans.

I try to show selflessness in my own life. I spend a lot of weekends at the church. I volunteer in the nursery at the church, and teach children’s church as well. I play in the worship band for the youth group. I travel around with my friends from church and minister to other churches. I enjoy spending my time helping others.

As I said earlier, practicing selflessness in your life doesn’t go without reward. The bible says in Luke 6:38, “If you give, you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use in giving – large or small – it will be used to measure what is given back to you.” When some people think of volunteering, they think, “A lot of work and no pay,” but they are wrong. When you give anything, large or small, it will be given back to you, but even more. That’s just how it works. The reward for selflessness will be greater than the amount put into it. Let’ s make the world a better place by setting the precedent of good character.

Review On Twilight

2009-09-25T07:32:00.001-07:00

The fan craze over the young adult literature piece "Twilight" by Stephenie Meyer was definitely NOT exaggerated. This book is from the point of view of a 17 year old girl named Bella (Isabella), and deals with the randomness and complexity of the female mind. She has to deal with being the new kid in school and making new friends. Not to mention the weather change. She moved from Phoenix AZ to a small town called Forks in Washington. Forks is a tiny town compared to Phoenix, and the climate couldn't be any more different unless it was actually submerged under water. Rainy and humid all day.

She meets a boy at school named Edward Cullen. From the moment that their eyes meet, to the time when they are alone together in a sunny meadow, they were in love. Over the few months they know each other, He saves her life multiple times and trusts her with his biggest secret... He's a vampire. To his surprise, she isn't bothered at all. It just gives her interest an upper cut to the jaw.

Near the ending of the book, after Edward takes her to meet his family, the family, including Bella, gets into some trouble. Other vampires. "Bad Guy" vampires unlike Edward and his family. One of the other vampires fights and fights and fights for a drink of Bella's blood. But the Cullens can't allow that! They try to run but only run into more trouble when Bella is tricked by the bad guy and almost loses her life. The Cullens come to the rescue and destroy the carnivorous vamp. The family is safe again. Or are they?

This book is DEFINITELY a Must Read. You will not be disappointed. Stephenie Meyer really knows how to use words to describe a place or even a feeling. She can put you right into the situation so you can understand how the character feels. Read Twilight. You'll love it!

Campus Missionary Conference 1

2009-08-22T05:39:00.000-07:00

So we went to a Campus Missionary conference yesterday and the speakers had so much stuff to say! It was amazing! I'm sol glad I went! One of them talked about what people outside the church think about Christians. Hypocritical, judgemental, sheltered, and anti homosexual are a few of the top things that those people think about us! I understand that there are some people that are like that. And I understand that those people are annoying. Because they annoy me too! These people, in my point of view, are not true Christians. They do NOT have much of a relationship with God.

True Christians... Are people that reject religion. Yes I just said REJECT religion! BUT! They love Jesus. They love him and have a RELATIONSHIP and FRIENDSHIP with him, other than a religion about him. These are the Christians that go places. These are the Christians that save people for God.

Anyway... That was a fun experience... Can't wait till later today! I guess we're going to use our facebooks to reach people... Ok... Well I guess we'll see what that entails.

I've Been Thinking

2009-08-06T16:46:00.000-07:00

You know... I've been thinking... My life has been rather bumpy. Full of twists and turns that I made. I've made some mistakes. And it's caused some people to loose faith in me or to be scared of me.

The world separates us from God. God separates us from the world.

The world is full of sin. I wouldn't say that I am the sinner of the year but I do know what it feels like to be addicted to sin. The sin in my life was uncontrollable by myself alone. I needed help. Not only from my supportive friends and family but from my God as well.

Adam's sin forced the majority God's physical presence to separate from the world, because he was disgusted of it.

God hated/hates my sin. But he always loved/loves me no matter what I did/do. Just like the orbitz chick said! "No matter what!" No one around the world can forgive you like God can. I know that.

God loves you. Realize it.

South America

2009-07-19T19:17:00.000-07:00

Ok so we leave in 2 days... I´m like UBER sad about that!... I made a few friends... Diego, Jeison... and i know that i will probably never see them again... but god willing i just might.... Nighty night!!!

Chapter 4

2009-07-09T10:08:00.000-07:00

"No she doesn't." confirmed Justin.
"If she's really your best friend I think she deserves to know!" Jake demanded.
"No," Jake said, "she's like best friends with my parents! That would mean disaster for us!"
"Oh. Well let's not let that happen just yet. Ok?" replied Jake.

Just as Jake and Justin were finishing up, Samantha yelled down the hall, "Guys! Are you done in there? You do know I'm still here right? Ha!"
Justin followed closely by Jake, walks down the hall toward the kitchen, "Ok we're back! We have some catching up to do."

As they catch up Sam reveals to Justin that his parents miss him and hope he's doing ok. His parents pray for him every night and talk about how proud they are of their boy that they never talk to. Justin begins to break down, but quickly covers it with, "Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom..."

With Justin gone, Jake is alone with Sam. The first words out of her mouth are, "So... How's the girlfriend?"
"Don't have one." replied Jake.
Sam says, "Want one?" Right before Jake can say anything Justin regains composure and rejoins the group. Just then Jake says, "Oh my goodness look at the time! We have dentist appointments to go to!" "Ok I guess I'll see you later Sam." said Justin. "Bye boys!" She walks out the door.

"We don't have dentist appointments do we." said Justin. Jake replies with, "Nope."

Chapter 3

2009-07-07T21:36:00.000-07:00

At the door was his old best friend Sam. "Justin Henry, is that you???" Sam freaked.

"Samantha Joan!? Oh my god that IS you! I haven't seen you in what, two years?!" Justin stated.

"Well it HAS been a while... I'm surprised you recognized me! I cut my hair like what... 10 inches shorter!" replied Sam. Samantha Joan was Justin's best fiend at church years ago. When they were young they "dated," If you even call it that when you're ten years old... She was known and recognized as the girl who never cut her hair. And If she did, then it would be only an inch or two. Sam and Justin were friends all their young lives. Since they went to different schools and lived in different towns, they only saw each other at church. And now since Justin left church to live with Jake they lost contact with eachother.

"Come on in! We need to catch up!" Justin said while giving his friend a hug. They sit down at the kitchen table and Justin drinks his coffee, and pours a cup for Sam. Right as they begin to talk Jake walks down the hall toward the kitchen and hollers "Hey baby who was that?"
"Say hey Sam, this is my boy--BEST friend Jake..." stumbled Justin.
"H-hello J-Jake! I-I'm Sam! Sam stuttered as she stared at Jake. Jake, knowing that he was a very attractive man knows what's going on. And he is disgusted by it. He knows that she thinks he's cute. "Hi I'm Jake. How are you?" asked Jake. She didn't answer, she only stared... "Jus I need to talk to you!"
"Be right back Sammy." they head to the bedroom and Jake asks, "She doesn't know about me does she?"

Chapter 2

2009-07-07T08:23:00.001-07:00

After a night like many before Jake and Justin wake up in each other's arms and begin their day... "Good morning Sir." Said Jake waking up Justin.
"My knight in shining armor has come to rescue me eh?" Justin replied.
"Rescue you?" said Jake, "What do you mean?"
"I was having a terrible dream..." Justin reported.
"Oh you were? Tell me about it!"
"Well, my parents found out about us." replied Justin in a very melancholy tone.
"oh... Well let's not think about that right now. That's not going to happen until you're good and ready." Jake stated. "want some coffee?! I know THAT'LL cheer you up!"
"Sure. Maybe it'll keep my mind off that dream..." Justin hypothosized.

Jake took him by the hand and led him to the kitchen. Jake, in his boxers, poured Justin a cup of coffee and placed it on the table in front of Justin, with a tablespoon of sugar and 2 creamers. Just what he liked. "Justin... What's wrong?" asked Jake.
"Nothing. Nothing's wrong..." affirmed Justin.
"Oh come on! Tell me! I know something's wrong with you, I can always tell." demanded Jake.
"Well I'm just worried." Justin stated.
"What about?" asked Jake.
"Well I--" **knock knock knock** before he could finish he was interrupted by a knock on the door. Jake ran to the bedroom to get some pants and Justin, in his pajamas, answered the door...

Chapter 2

2009-07-07T08:23:00.000-07:00

Chapter 1

2009-06-19T21:36:00.000-07:00

(OK... Lame excuse for a book chapter but still what the hey... lol)

CHAPTER 1: There once was a boy, his name was Justin. He grew up in a family of six, both parents and three little brothers.as the oldest, a LOT of responsibility was dumped on him. Sometimes so much that he would do things that he would regret later on.

Justin wasn't just another 15 year old. He was a Pastor's Kid. Many expectations are put on PK's. People think, "He's the youth pastor's son right? He must be a young man of God!" But what people don't know is that he is hiding... Hiding his feelings, emotions, and history.

Since he was 12 years old, he had been addicted to pornography, homosexual pornography. These days of his young life perverted his emotions and way of life. At 13 he acquired his first boyfriend. - Jake. Now Jake, he wasn't raised very correctly... When he was born both of his parents were addicted to drugs, and he was put up for adoption. But his dad did get clean and took him back as his own. To this day Jake's mother is still not clean. His father on the other hand, not on drugs, but picked up smoking cigarettes and gambling. A bad influence on Jake...

Justin and Jake hooked up almost every night since they had been dating. How do Justin's parents allow him to act this way? They know nothing of it. He hasn't come out to them yet. Justin turned away from God. He used to be a tremendous christian. But now all that's left of him is a tremendously false facade of glory that he uses daily.

Justin, he can still remember that terrible night that changed his life... The night that they first had sex. That night was his first time. A terrible waste... He grew up hearing that God had created sex to be a beautiful thing! A thing to be shared between one man and one woman. He threw all that away to one person. A boy named Jake. Unlike Justin, Jake had done this before, he was used to the idea. Poor Justin, miss guided, perverted this early in life, yet Jesus still loves him. Justin has yet to understand this.

TOMS Shoes

2009-06-19T14:30:00.001-07:00

Hey! go to tomshoes.com and check out these awesome shoes! Shoes with a cause is what I call them! look 'em up and see why!

TOMS Shoes

Shared via AddThis

|After Rain|

2009-06-09T13:07:00.001-07:00

2009-05-21T11:46:00.000-07:00

When Times are hard

Keep pushing through

Keep holding on

When you feel down

Stand still and think about it

Rest and pray

Sleep with your thoughts

Ignore your troubles

Keep in control...

On the brightest sunny day

You can feel so out of touch

Just keep going...

You'll be fine...

Sad, out of touch

Lonely, can't see straight

In a haze, I want to fall

Just keep going...

You'll be fine...

Vent Letter

2009-05-18T20:56:00.000-07:00

Ok... I cant express in words what to put in this box. You have NO idea how hard this is to accept. Goodbye. We COULD have been friends longer. But you HAD to kick me while I was down. I wish you luck in life. Have a great summer...

Do you enjoy scaring me or giving me pain? Do you enjoy the fact that my friends ALL HATE you now? Do you enjoy the fact that for being one of the MOST charasmatic people EVER, you have no social skills? Do you realize that I have morals that you of all people lack?

My parents, my brothers, my close friends, the people you met through me, and the rest all dislike you for what you're doing to me. I dont know how you do it... But you seem to kick me RIGHT as i fall. Of course after you push me down. Now apperently, by your doing, the whole town of meriden wants to KILL me?! Right... Thats just your pot-head friends and drinking pals.

As I have said before. We both have a LOT of growing up to do. In each of us different places. More in some spots less in others, but we stiil have to nonetheless. Good luck with your game. Good luck with life... Good luck when your dad finally finds out that his little boy is a drinking, pot smoking, backstabber. And to the pastor's son no less... Have a great summer.

Untitled (Fine Arts?)

2009-05-02T17:34:00.000-07:00

Birds of a feather flock together

Birds of mockery and deceit

Birds of hell and torment

Birds of evil design

Hell hath no furry like a man in rage

Hell doesn't hold a candle to people in a haze

Drunk in his own desires

Slowly he fades into fires

Higher he flies

The lower he falls

He's standing on the edge

He's looking down

He wants to jump!

He does...

He hits hard

He stumbles

To his feet

He climbs back up

Just to fall again

Back to his friends he still has fallen

Back to the life he always wanted

Back to back his worlds collide

A pastors son, he takes his life

Heaven or hell...

No one can tell...

Raised up right

Felt so wrong

They say "Your Future's bright!"

He's been holding on FAR too long

Away from his friends

Away from his fam'

Away from the god that's holding on to him

Extraordinary love

Extraordinary life

Extraordinary death...

Extraordinary god.

2009-05-01T11:57:00.000-07:00

OK I thought I would put something cute and funny up here to take a break from all of the seriousness of my blog... Ha ha

2009-04-29T13:02:00.001-07:00

By the way, that video means a lot to me. Not only does it sound cool but it has a little connection with my life.

Seether - "Broken" feat. Amy Lee (Evanescence)

2009-04-29T12:22:00.001-07:00

TOO MUCH DRAMA! AAA!

2009-04-28T18:30:00.000-07:00

Wow... I listened to How to Save a Life by The Fray today and CRIED! WAAAY too much unnecessary drama between a friend and I... I don't know if this one will just blow over... We both have issues we need to work out... But neither of us wants to work on them... So we tear each other down... I hate that it's coming to this... But we are starting to loose our grip on ourselves, each other, and God. Today he told me to leave him alone... But I choose not to... Because we can BOTH get through this together... We can BOTH get through it together SAFELY, without too many hurt feelings... What we are doing to each other is hurting our friends too... And I HATE watching my friends get hurt because of something I did... I don't know what's going to happen next. I guess we'll just have to see...

Much Like Falling - Flyleaf

2009-04-21T11:07:00.000-07:00

When I said good morning

I was lying

I was truly thinking of

How I might quit waking up

He pointed out how selfish

It would be to kill myself

So I keep waking up

It feels so much like falling

Dying while I wait to die

The fear of something or nothing

Lonely empty lie

I don't want to be here, lying

I don't want to be selfish anymore

I want so much to change

Learning your love everyday

There's still so much to know

You grip my wrists

I let go

It feels so much like falling

Separated from the fear

Aware of a destination far away from here

It feels so much like falling

Separated from the fear

Aware of a destination far away from here

Far away from here

Ok... Every heard a song when you think to yourself, "That sounds JUST like me!" Well... I have a LOT of those songs. And this is just one of them. This song is from Flyleaf's new album called Much Like Falling. Look it up. I love flyleaf and I suggest you checking 'em out! Thanks! haha!

ALL BETTER!

2009-04-20T08:41:00.000-07:00

OK... About my last post... We got it all figured out. My friend never smoked anything or did any kind of drug... I was just REALLY worried about him and his safety...

Ok... Help Me Please!

2009-04-19T17:40:00.000-07:00

Ok... I'm in a predicament. A LOT of my friends say that this one friend went to a school dance Stoned last night... RIGHT after I hung out with him! And if you know me then you would know that I would NEVER use ANY addictive drug, legal or otherwise.

I don't know who to believe... He keeps denying that he has EVER been High... And everyone else says that he was yesterday... I'm trying to be a good influence on him... But I am NOT helping by bugging him about this... I don't know if I should just leave him alone or bug him till he confesses if he even has anything to confess to... I want to trust him REALLY bad... But it's his word vs. every one's. And if you know HIM, he acts high ALL the time... So I really don't know what to do about this...

So I don't know if that was him being him and other people just mistaking him for what he wasn't, OR if he really was stoned... Someone please give me some advice...

2009-04-17T12:22:00.001-07:00

Wow... School... Fun... Drama... Fun... People... Fun... Ya... ANYWAY! Ya... BOOOOOOORING! Haha! Random I know...

AGAIN!? AAA!

2009-04-14T12:48:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone...Brayden here... I fightin' a fire today... Again... I'm in a LOT of emotional stress and distress... I realize that some of you people think that I am a goody two shoes pastors kid but I'm not... I won't get into details, but I will say, be careful who you share your feelings with, and be careful with who you trust with your feelings. I have been let down too many times for a 15 year old. For only being 15 I know that I have a LOT of things that I still need to learn, and experience. I will also say that I have experienced a LOT more than the average 15 year old pastor's child...

People tell me about their problems... I listen to them... But no one knows about MY problems except my close friends... And I HATE it when people tell me things like, "Brayden, your life is not that depressing!" or, "You don't know what depression is!" But what a LOT of people don't know about me is that I am Clinically depressed AND bipolar... There's why I'm so depressed all the time. Or so hyper active, or just plain weird. Well... Tell me about it... Tell me how depressed you are about your dog dying... Let ME tell YOU about MY problems... Good luck handling THAT!

Once again...

2009-03-30T17:35:00.000-07:00

Hey peeps! It's me again! Well... Remember my post "Looking for Something?" Well I'm in kind of the same situation. And I'm sure that you've heard rumors of me trying to kill myself... I've been depressed a WHOLE lot but I have NEVER been suicidal... I just wanted to get that out of the way... ANYWAY... Down to business...

Well... Last Thursday... I ran into some relationship issues... I got so confused and so frustrated with myself that I mentally broke down... And if you're wondering... I did NOT I repeat NOT try to kill myself... But instead I gave into the ONE addiction that I have trouble facing the most... I went into my room... Crying all the way... Grabbed up my pocket knife... And put three deep gashes in my arm...

Well... THAT week couldn't have ended worse for me... BUT when I went back outside to my friends that I had the issue with they freaked out. Because I had blood dripping down my arm. I ran back home... And JUST in time to meet my dad in the driveway... While the blood was pooling around my watch my dad and I discussed my issues...

While we were talking, one of my best friends came back to my house and asked if I was ok... He was the ONLY person that asked me if I was ok. That meant a LOT to me. He stayed with me from when he asked if I was ok, from me talking to my parents about it, from me cleaning up my arm, and all the way up to when we dropped him off at his house on the way to the hospital. All the way between those times, he made me laugh, cry, and get over my problems.

You know? I've been praying that God would send me a friend that was kind enough and cared enough for me that that person would NEVER let me fall too far... I think I met the real him that Thursday. God is always there to help us. He can get you out of ANY situation.

God sure did help... BUT I was talking about a real person! Without God and him, I would be even more depressed than when I was then. You know who you are! Thank you for everything YOU'VE done to help me get over what I'VE done... I love you and I will never forget you. I will never leave you like you never left me.

Thanks for readin,
-Bray

What To Do

2009-03-26T11:16:00.000-07:00

Follow your heart they say

Do what you want they say

Be who you want to be

Love who you want

Have a little fun

Sin really isn't sin

Ignorance is bliss

Happiness is death

Fun is a sin

Be a good boy

Have a great day

I love you too

I don't know what to do

I don't know where to go

I'm trapped in my mind

High with despair

No sleep tonight

Nothing but air

Depression Hurts

2009-03-17T18:03:00.000-07:00

High in my emotions

Low in self esteem

My heart is overwhelmed

My strength is overcome

Above the watermark

Below sea level

My thoughts sink away from me

My eyes treat me with sin

My mind overtakes my heart

Deeper deeper deeper

Lower lower lower

My emotions lead me astray

Once again I am deep

Deep in depression

Deep in sorrow

Deep deep deep

Sometimes I feel to high

But now I feel so low

I cry but no one listens

I speak but no one hears

I scream but I am rejected

I ball my eyes out

Blood could flow

Blood could run

Blood for now I keep

Blood stays in the wound

For now...

I am too depressed to cut

I am too depressed to die

Again and again and again
I feel the pain and sorrow

I do not feel the pain

I feel the depression of pain

I feel the joy of being angry
The sheer power feel

The power of angry wrath

The power or raging sadness

-Bray

Random Walk Pic

2009-03-14T17:10:00.000-07:00

Natures Artificial Beauty!

2009-03-11T15:22:00.001-07:00

In Here (Pretty Dark...)

2009-03-11T13:06:00.000-07:00

In here

No one likes me in here
No one loves me in here
No one cares enough in here
No one makes me feel in here

I want to be loved in here
I want to survive in here
I want to be in here
I want to cry in here

I need care in here

I need love in here
I need to feel in here
I need to be helped in here

I want to live in my maze of woeful, disturbed silence...

In here...

Pics of One of My Besties! HAHA!

2009-03-10T14:25:00.001-07:00

I'm... At School... And... I'm Bored...

2009-02-25T10:12:00.000-08:00

I'm at school... On the computer... And I'm bored...
I realized something... People... Are... WEIRD...
I've met a lot of people during my time at public school... A lot of... DIFFERENT people...
Different in the way that their attitudes, emotions, and their personalities differ greatly!
The teachers are also pretty interesting...
From ones that tell us stories about how they got drunk then they were five...
To ones that are more after god than I am...
I've also met some people who are my close friends, but they like to get wasted during the weekend.
And other friends that have never said a cuss word in their life! And that they love god WAAAAAY more than I do...
I must confess that I'm not as in love with him as I used to be. I used to be so after God that I would do anything for him. But at the moment I'm really struggling to keep afloat and out of trouble with God... AND my parents...
My life is hard. But not TOO hard. Pretty average... But I've just been through a little more stress than the average person... And I'm a little bit more experienced with life than some... So right now I'm asking for prayer and for your encouragement. Text me, call me, or e-mail me sometime and tell me that everything's going to be alright... Thanks for everyting!

-Bray

Going Under

2009-02-24T20:09:00.000-08:00

Going under

Falling faster than before

Going under

Falling farther all the day

I can not breathe

I can not think

I can not see straight

My eyes are cloudy

My thoughts are rough

Picking up past addictions

They see through my disguise

People all around me

Call to my screams

As before I am alone

Before God's love

Before his peace

Just like before

I'm falling away

I'm going under

Too dark? Tell me! mooretbrayden@yahoo.com

Lord/God's Love (let's be creative next time shall we?)

2009-02-05T18:16:00.000-08:00

Lord,

Fill me for I am empty

Make me proud for I am humble

Make me whole for I am broken

Make me like you for I am different

God's Love:

In this misty world

God's love is sanity

God's love is unfailing

His love is all I cling to

In this world we're told that we wont make it

In this world we're told that there's no hope

But there is a hope

A hope in Jesus Christ

Thanks for readin!

-Bray

Geometry Class Blues

2009-02-05T18:04:00.000-08:00

Mr. Campbell's gone away

We have a sub today

Barb, that is her name

We love her just the same

Kevin's bein roudy

The girls are being loudy (lol)

Steve and Brooke are flirtin

Geeze I wanna puke

Jordan sits in front of me

I can not see the board

All the while I'm in the back

Writing 'cause I'm bored...

Health Class (Freshmen Blues) (hehe) O.o

2009-02-04T14:28:00.000-08:00

Sitting in the classroom

Freshmen are a' buzz

The teacher keeps on yelling

But not a one is listening

Mrs. McCary's gettin' angry

Bryan won't stop jetting

All the while I'm in the back

As innocent as a baby

Obsessed over their privates

Those freshmen once again

Puberty's not struck them

They are so immature

Constant use of "f" bomb

Trev' has gone insane

All the while I'm in the back

Tryin' not to listen...

I'm a sophomore dag nabbit!

lol i got a kick out of writin' that 7th hour today...

-Bray

2009-02-01T14:48:00.000-08:00

I like this one more! :) hehe

2009-01-31T15:52:00.000-08:00

AAAAWWWW!!!!! TWOO WUV!

The "Aftermath"

2009-01-31T06:40:00.000-08:00

2009-01-29T15:21:00.000-08:00

“I…”

By Brayden Moore

…feel alone in this world

…feel alone in a crowd

…feel alone…

…am tired of your bs!

…am tired of you ignoring me!

…am tired…

…tend to be emo

…tend to be mean

…tend to hurt myself…

…hurt inside

…hurt outside

…hurt…

Another one of my moods... Saturday, 1/24/09

2009-01-24T17:38:00.000-08:00

Saturday, 1/24/09

OH! How I love

OH! How I dream

OH! How I long for your touch

My, how I love

My, how I want

My, how I fantasize

I love you more than life

I love you more than the air

I love you more than you know!

I would kill for you

I would do anything fro you

I would die for you!

You never forget your first love

I will never forget you!

I will for always, remember your name

From the day we met

To the day I die

I will be thinking of you

For now I cry tears of sadness

But when we fall again

Tears of joy will flow…

Nightly Rant Friday, 1/23/09

2009-01-23T22:24:00.000-08:00

Friday, 1/23/09

Feeling of love

Feeling of being loved

A thing that can not be bought

More precious than silver

More valuable than gold

More amazing than the gods

Stand your ground

Someone will come

To love you back

All the while I will be lusting

After a one

After the one that I seem to need

I need to be loved

Not in the way of a ‘rent

In the way of a close, close friend

Not just a friend

But more than that

More than the random “luv ya”

I want a friend to say “I Love You”

I want a friend that says “I Need You”

I need a single person

With a kiss it be sealed

That our love never fail

Forever and ever always

My Nightly Ravings...

2009-01-22T19:12:00.000-08:00

A sensual kiss

A friendly hug

A dying breath

The Screams of life

I’m falling faster!

Let go of me!

I need my space!

I need you OUT of here!

I’m too confused to think!

You feel so close

Yet SO far away!

For the invisible

I speak

For the unnoticed

I voice

For the ones that go by you EVERY day and you take for granted

I SCREAM!

Let go of me!

I need my space!

I need you OUT of here!

I’m too confused to think!

You feel so close

Yet SO far away!

Standing on the razor’s edge

Blade slipping through my skin

As blood leaks I become insane

Don’t feel sorry

Feel PROUD!

I’m happy now

I am calm

In the painful hours of the night

I feel full

I feel loved

I feel IN love

I am DEPRESSED.

Metal Hanger

2009-01-03T07:58:00.000-08:00

2009-01-02T07:59:00.000-08:00

"Look Closely"

Wisdom IS Good For The Soul!

2009-01-01T19:10:00.000-08:00

Lookin' For Something?

2009-01-01T18:25:00.000-08:00

What you're HOPEFULLY looking for is God.

I was... I had a rough couple of days in the beginning this week, so I went back to my birthtown to calm down and think. It was hard.

This world is full of "hell." Yeah no joke. You either need to know how to deal with it, or avoid it, and I've had a LOT of it lately. Yes little ol' Brayden is in a bunch of Hell... Sweet, little Brayden, little, innocent Brayden is in trouble... I know that's what a lot of you are saying.

Well ANYWAY, I went back to my birthtown looking for God, and I found him. His peace is on me now. Other than being grounded I feel GREAT! It feels good to start the new year off with a good attitude. This year I'm going to start with a clean slate. And I'm going to scrub at the little marks that just won't wipe off.

I know what it feels like to be lost. I'm only 15 but I do know. I've felt far away from him, close to him, and even as if he was non-existent. Very recently I felt SO bad, that I was dead-set on quitting going to church, quitting reading my Bible, and quitting on God. But I know now that I was wrong. I know now that God is forever, eternal. That God lives in me and should be seen with every breath I breathe. Thank you Lord! You've helped me see the "light," within the darkness that surrounds my life!

Oh! And Happy New Year!

BAM!

2008-12-20T18:02:00.000-08:00

The lyrics to this song really just hit me like... like... BAM! LIKE THAT!
It made me realize that I'm not invincible, and that i can be taken down pretty easily.

I can't do it without You

I've tried so many times, and I've failed

Lord I really need You in my life,

Fall every time that You're not in sight,

Can't go on without Your love, I can't go on...

Every time You arrive let my heart be open

Cause its You I put my hope in

You give me love, give me strength, and You give me courage

Even though I don't deserve it

I can't go on without You

I don't believe that I'd even want to

All I really wanna see is me becoming more and more like You

Lord I really need You in my life

Fall every time that You're not in sight

Can't go on without your love, I can't go on...

And I don't wanna face this world alone

I don't wanna do this on my own

Can't go on without Your love, I can't go on...

I see the need in my, life and I can't deny

That You're the reason I'm breathing I need You in my life

I'm on a new level and never will I be coming down

Lift me up when I'm feeling drowned inside the shame I found

And I believe what You said and You promised me

Now I constantly look for You to keep on watching me

I can't go on without You, I don't believe I'd ever want to

Never beyond You all I wanna see is me becoming like You

Lord I realize, can't do it on my own

I need You close so You can help me make it through the storm

And when I fall I know, You're there to pick me up

Brush me off and then You're quick to bring me back inside Your love

I don't know where to go now

I'm lost in this emotion

I'm giving You control now
Pull me up from the bottom of the ocean

I don't know where to go now
I'm lost in this emotion

I'm giving You control now

You pull me up, pull me up when I'm going down

Yo, I could never let anything get between You and me

At times I've tried to drive solo, but I finished on "E"

My own anxiety blinded me that I just couldn't see

That You were always there and not once did You every leave me

I learned the hard way but I'm glad I can now say I'm free

Through all the turmoil You have opened my eyes to see

The greater love that You give, and never ask a fee

Now I can say I can't go on with out your love in me

No, I did not write this. These are the lyrics of the song "Can't Go On" By Group 1 Crew. If you actually took the time to read them it was worth it. Right?

2008-12-16T11:46:00.000-08:00

I took this picture in September or 2008 at Living Water Ranch. I used just a little bit of basic touching up.

The Cutter

2008-12-14T05:56:00.000-08:00

The Cutter

It runs, It flows out of a wound
It leaks, It seeps like a river
The blood inside me is red
The blood inside me is torn
The blood is the blood of a sinner
This blood is the blood of a cutter

This wound on the inside is only halfway mended
By the wounds on the outside
The elation from pain is only shortly lended
By the wounds on the outside
I am hurt inside
I am hurt outside

The wound is no wound, ordinary
It’s a wound that no medicine can remedy
It needs God’s love, extraordinary
To break the chains and to be free
From the blade, from the sin, from the chain it connects

They say a prayer a day keeps the devil away
I say it keeps the pain away
It’s better than any blade can feel
This is my testimony, real

Thank you Lord

Backyard Slide

2008-12-04T14:44:00.000-08:00

Simple, yet elegant.

2008-12-01T11:56:00.000-08:00

Just thought I'd put a name with a face! :) This is just a picture of me that I photoshopped...!

Roses' Grave

2008-12-01T11:41:00.000-08:00

Hey people! This is the picture I took to Fine Arts in '06. It got me a Superior With Invitation award (The best you can get), the invitation part means that I get to enter it into National Fine Arts with pictures from all across the nation! When I took it there, the judges awarded me with a Superior rating. Which is not bad if you ask me...

Thanks for readin!
-Bray

Guard Your Mouth!

2008-11-15T22:00:00.000-08:00

In our Bible study last Thursday we talked about how words can hurt.

Proverbs 13 says "From the fruit of his lips a man enjoys good things..."
"He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin."

~Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me~
What a load of junk! The sticks and stones part is true, but the rest of it is a BIG lie...
Words wont only hurt you, they can kill too. Not only yourself but those around you as well!
The bible says that your tongue is sharper than any double edged sword, and is twice as dangerous.

Just remember that God can always hear you. He can always see you, and he can always tell whether you're doing wrong or right. So next time you think about gossipping about the latest word, or just chatting with your bestie, remember, God is watching! So refrain from sinning verbally, and walk through the rest of your day one sin less!

White Noise - Poem

2008-10-16T18:42:00.000-07:00

Here's a new/old poem for y'all!

You're the whisper in the grass

You're the sound of rain

You fill the hole in my heart

You hide me from trouble

The grass no longer sings

No more is peaceful rain

The hole is growing and trouble is rising

Where did you go

I want to feel YOU again

I miss the taste of rain on my lips

The sound of wind in the trees

All I hear now is white noise

You were my closest friend

Now you feel so far away

We used to fly so high!

All that's left is a sigh of what we used to be

I'm thinking of using this at Fine Arts...

Thanks for readin!

-Bray

Hypocrites

2008-10-15T20:59:00.000-07:00

HYPOCRITES ARE EVERYWHERE! AAA SAVE ME!!!!!!!

Anyway.... Don't they just drive you nuts?! It's like not liking your favorite ball team just because some fans are lacking in their support! Or leaving your best friend just because someone not-so-nice says that they know them better than you do!

There are different sorts of hypocrites in the world. Right now we want to talk about religious ones... They drive me UP THE WALL! They use their Hippocratic excuses to avoid a relation ship with god. They say things like, "I'll just ask for forgiveness later," or, "One little thing wont hurt me!"

God hates 'em too. In Isaiah 65:5 he refers to them as, "... smoke in my nostrils, a fire that keeps burning all day!" He also gets angry at them and says to them, "You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell?" (Mt 23:33)

The options are as follows, (1) put up with hypocrits in the church now or (2) join them for eternity in hell.

Hero, Savior - Poem

2008-10-15T20:55:00.000-07:00

Here's a Poem!

Everything falls
Everything crumbles
Everything dies
Everything crumbles
Everything cries
Everything crumbles
When the world is in turmoil
When the world is in crisis
You are the hero
That saves the world
In a world of cruel darkness
In a world of true crime
You are the savior
Who loves us

Thanks for readin!
-Bray

Sinners Heart - Poem

2008-09-18T13:08:00.000-07:00

When sin comes through and passion runs like blood
Happiness I thought I once knew becomes blood of wine

I am wreck less, God loves me no more
Lies of lies become tears down a face
Sandals wore bare, my heart is broken

In my broken ness God picks me up
In the highest of heaven I see his face

God loves me forever and always

AMEN

Thanks for readin!
-Bray