Once again...

Hey peeps! It's me again! Well... Remember my post "Looking for Something?" Well I'm in kind of the same situation. And I'm sure that you've heard rumors of me trying to kill myself... I've been depressed a WHOLE lot but I have NEVER been suicidal... I just wanted to get that out of the way... ANYWAY... Down to business...

Well... Last Thursday... I ran into some relationship issues... I got so confused and so frustrated with myself that I mentally broke down... And if you're wondering... I did NOT I repeat NOT try to kill myself... But instead I gave into the ONE addiction that I have trouble facing the most... I went into my room... Crying all the way... Grabbed up my pocket knife... And put three deep gashes in my arm...

Well... THAT week couldn't have ended worse for me... BUT when I went back outside to my friends that I had the issue with they freaked out. Because I had blood dripping down my arm. I ran back home... And JUST in time to meet my dad in the driveway... While the blood was pooling around my watch my dad and I discussed my issues...

While we were talking, one of my best friends came back to my house and asked if I was ok... He was the ONLY person that asked me if I was ok. That meant a LOT to me. He stayed with me from when he asked if I was ok, from me talking to my parents about it, from me cleaning up my arm, and all the way up to when we dropped him off at his house on the way to the hospital. All the way between those times, he made me laugh, cry, and get over my problems.

You know? I've been praying that God would send me a friend that was kind enough and cared enough for me that that person would NEVER let me fall too far... I think I met the real him that Thursday. God is always there to help us. He can get you out of ANY situation.

God sure did help... BUT I was talking about a real person! Without God and him, I would be even more depressed than when I was then. You know who you are! Thank you for everything YOU'VE done to help me get over what I'VE done... I love you and I will never forget you. I will never leave you like you never left me.

Thanks for readin,
-Bray

What To Do

Follow your heart they say

Do what you want they say

Be who you want to be

Love who you want

Have a little fun

Sin really isn't sin

Ignorance is bliss

Happiness is death

Fun is a sin

Be a good boy

Have a great day

I love you too

I don't know what to do

I don't know where to go

I'm trapped in my mind

High with despair

No sleep tonight

Nothing but air

Depression Hurts

High in my emotions

Low in self esteem

My heart is overwhelmed

My strength is overcome

Above the watermark

Below sea level

My thoughts sink away from me

My eyes treat me with sin

My mind overtakes my heart

Deeper deeper deeper

Lower lower lower

My emotions lead me astray

Once again I am deep

Deep in depression

Deep in sorrow

Deep deep deep

Sometimes I feel to high

But now I feel so low

I cry but no one listens

I speak but no one hears

I scream but I am rejected

I ball my eyes out

Blood could flow

Blood could run

Blood for now I keep

Blood stays in the wound

For now...

I am too depressed to cut

I am too depressed to die

Again and again and again
I feel the pain and sorrow

I do not feel the pain

I feel the depression of pain

I feel the joy of being angry
The sheer power feel

The power of angry wrath

The power or raging sadness

-Bray

Random Walk Pic

Natures Artificial Beauty!

In Here (Pretty Dark...)

In here

No one likes me in here
No one loves me in here
No one cares enough in here
No one makes me feel in here

I want to be loved in here
I want to survive in here
I want to be in here
I want to cry in here

I need care in here

I need love in here
I need to feel in here
I need to be helped in here

I want to live in my maze of woeful, disturbed silence...

In here...

Pics of One of My Besties! HAHA!